Google to launch self-wanking penis

The Evening Harold

carpenis At last, both hands free!

Following the successful launch of the self-driving car, Google announced today the prototype of the self-wanking penis, a landmark in automatic genital manipulation which will allow users to bring themselves to shuddering climax with no actual manual intervention.

After research showed that virtually 100% of search engine requests were from young men seeking pictures of boobies, the tech giant realised the enormous productivity gains which could be achieved by simply connecting the male organ directly to the internet and controlling up and down movements and tightness of grip by following a complex algorithm personalised for each user.

“We believe Google Toss (TM) will ensure unparalleled levels of efficiency, pleasure and safety for the masturbatory experience,” explained Gordon Renfrew, Vice Present for the internet of rude things at Google. “The self-wanking penis will free up up least 50% of the population to do more useful things…

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By emoztar

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